Wednesday, April 27, 2011

"Boys will be boys"


God you boys have it easy. Your morning routine can’t be much more complicated than a shower, a quick shave, and a little hair gel. And I’d be shocked if your night out attire involves much more than a pair of jeans, and a t-shirt. There’s no primping and preening. There are no torture treatments, fire hazardous tools, or face paint.

Come on, you’ve probably been the same size since high school, and I’ll bet money that your last “investment buy” was a box of condoms. You’d never think of spending $300 on a handbag, let alone a pair of high heels.

So I doubt you’ve ever had to spend hours in a salon chair having your hair dyed beyond recognition, ‘cause you can get away with an $8 hair cut, and a 2-in-1 shampoo. You’ve got it eassssssssssy.

And I get it- you like sports, Xbox and double D’s- you’re a guy’s guy. “You don’t care about what you wear”. But just because you don’t care, doesn’t mean that the girl you are buying double-vodka-sodas for won’t. Because face it, out of a bar full of girls, something tells me you’ve likely managed to pick one that’s probably not interested in “what’s on the inside”.

So here are a few style pointers that might work better than that wingman of yours:

A Guy’s Guide to Girl-Proofing Your Wardrobe

1. First things first: bejeweling is only okay in Vegas, or on Broadway. It’s not okay on a t-shirt, and especially not okay on the pockets of your jeans. 

2. Nothing will ruin an otherwise acceptable outfit more than those stinky, smelly runners you wear to the gym. Leave them in your locker, and buy a pair of cool kicks. I guarantee you they are just as comfortable.

3. Buy clothes that fit; we don’t want an eye full of your boxer briefs, nor do we don’t want to share our skinny jeans with you. No ifs, ands, or butts.

4. Just because that graphic tee made it through four years of frat parties, a trip around South East Asia, the bar exam, and countless girlfriends, doesn’t make it “vintage”, dress age appropriate bro.

5. And if I can leave you with only one piece of advice: a clean (bonus points if it is ironed) button down shirt will impress her every time.